I’ve been taking a Sociology course as part of a University transfer program in pursuits of a University degree in some sort of social science that I’m not even certain of yet. It’s only part-time (one night/week), as I can’t afford any more of a course load for the same reason I can’t afford a decrease in my salary by going part-time. Nevertheless, this course has kind of made my sleuthy, over-analytical, mistrusting, debunking, intensely curious brain quite satiated as of late! Now the world around me is accompanied by a bit more background and history. In other words, I’m starting to get a good sense of when society really went down the shitter.

Just kidding. I love you, Society!

It’s interesting in terms of my own self-understanding as well because this is really the first time I’ve been attending school classes since I finally cut myself off from all mis-directed post-secondary courses back in… what was it? 2004? Yes, I graduated high school in 1996 and was in post-secondary education for eight years. And no, I did not become a doctor. I left school educated and enlightened but still unlabeled when it came to taking courses with an end goal in mind.

For a while I wanted to be in Advertising, then it was Graphic Design, after this it was a bartender in an upscale restobar that I was going to establish, so six months of that led me into Small Business Management where lo and behold I finally obtained a 2-year diploma. However, that wasn’t enough for me because I no longer wanted to be a restobar owner and decided that computers were actually my calling so into Enterprise Networking I went. By the time I finished my post-secondary education I could create an entire advertising campaign from beginning to end, do all the graphic design work for it, while moonlighting as a bartender, and networking, configuring, and encrypting enterprise servers in my spare time.

My problem was that for my entire educational life I was so focus-and goalless that I just went through the motions of what was acceptable and expected while having very little interest in what was actually being taught to me. If I had it my way I would get through school successfully by drawing, writing stories, and reading novels of my choice. I was so indifferent toward the structure of school that I felt almost irritated by it for getting in the way of letting me learn what I really wanted to learn.

Can you imagine being my teacher? Funny though, some of them actually really liked me.

I once did a left-brain vs right-brain test… lemme see if I still have the results in an email.

Looking…
Looking…
Looking…
Yes.

Your Brain Usage Profile:
Auditory : 35%
Visual : 64%
Left : 63%
Right : 36%

Andrea, you are somewhat left-hemisphere dominant and show a preference for visual learning, although not extreme in either characteristic. You probably tend to do most things in moderation, but not always.

Your left-hemisphere dominance implies that your learning style is organized and structured, detail oriented and logical. Your visual preference, though, has you seeking stimulation and multiple data. Such an outlook can overwhelm structure and logic and create an almost continuous state of uncertainty and agitation. You may well suffer a feeling of continually trying to “catch up” with yourself.

Your tendency to be organized and logical and attend to details is reasonably well-established which should afford you success regardless of your chosen field of endeavor. You can “size up” situations and take in information rapidly. However, you must then subject that data to being classified and organized which causes you to “lose touch” with the immediacy of the problem.

Your logical and methodical nature hamper you in this regard though in the long run it may work to your advantage since you “learn from experience” and can go through the process more rapidly on subsequent occasions.

You remain predominantly functional in your orientation and practical. Abstraction and theory are secondary to application. In keeping with this, you focus on details until they manifest themselves in a unique pattern and only then work with the “larger whole.”

With regards to your career choices, you have a mentality that would be good as a scientist, coach, athlete, design consultant, or an engineering technician. You can “see where you want to go” and even be able to “tell yourself,” but find that you are “fighting yourself” at the darndest times.

I’m left-hemisphere dominant with a preference for visual learning. Yes, totally. I think up until this test I just convinced myself that all my troubles of mis-direction were explained simply because I was “right-brained.” The daydreaming, crayon loving, space-cadet that loves numbers, calculations, theories, and logic, as long as it’s all demonstrated to me in pretty little pictures and stories.

This little assessment is pretty bang-on for the most part; with the exception of the athlete as a career choice. Truth be known, my hamstrings would never allow it.

So, let’s just say this hemispherical breakdown has been a theme for most of my life, then, a sentence like this: “Such an outlook can overwhelm structure and logic and create an almost continuous state of uncertainty and agitation,” explains so much.

Moving right along…

As with every single post I’ve written over the last two years, the first half is usually initiated at least 2-3 weeks before the second half, sometimes 2-3 months (see diagnosis above). Since my very first sentence up there, I’ve written my mid-term, and received the results. 68%! Now, some of you scholarly academic types will see that mark and throw up a little. For me, I’m just proud of myself for passing! Granted this was my very first University exam, ever (remember, I’ve been college educated), I have all great intentions of surpassing 70% next time (they’re called baby steps, okay?). I studied so gall darn hard for that mid-term. And, what was different this time around was the fact that I actually enjoyed learning. I wanted to learn. I couldn’t wait to learn. These intentions are great except for the idea, as I’ve recently learned, that University professors all have a specific, and individual, way of structuring their exams. I imagine the social science professors are probably the most unique in their exam structuring, too. I know from the first five minutes of my class I was already assessing her. Watching her body language, her use of the floor space at the front of the class, her animated face, the way her nostrils flare when she talks through her smile. The way she almost flips her head in a ditsy fashion which doesn’t match the PhD title she maintains in her email signatures. How she goes bug-eyed when she says something ”hip” to the fairly young class and blinks over her bug eyes while waiting for a reaction. The thing is, the class reaction comes in this kind of hesitant, I’m snickering because it looks like you want me to snicker, but I don’t exactly think what you said is funny, however, you’re standing there, staring out at us, waiting for a reaction so here it is, now please carry on with what you were saying.

You know the type?

Sometimes she signs her emails with just her first name, other times it’s Dr. Last Name.

At any rate, I felt as though there was definitely one answer (which I got wrong) that was so misleading I asked her about it after class. In my opinion, it should have been tossed entirely (which would have brought my mark up to 72% – there’s that 70% I wanted!) but she passed it off as semantics and thanked me for pointing it out. I’ll note that for the final. Semantics? Listen sister, I went into this mid-term with a University-level approach. I know those multiple choice questions are tricky on purpose and I already have a feeling you enjoy being tricky so, when I read the question and the subsequent a), b), c), d), and e) answers I thought right away: “Ah ha! This is one of those tricks!” and answered the question accordingly. Unfortunately, the answer was e) all of the above but I completely disagree and if I were in the court of law, I’d actually represent myself; I was that confident. However, I didn’t have the energy to discuss things further (class nights make for really long days) so I Meh’ed it off and drove home feeling 3% smarter, because I knew I was right.

I enjoy class, though, if not for the fact that I was so ready to learn something new. I swear, if I would have entered grade 9 at 34 years old I would probably get straight As. ha. I’ve had 34 years of discovering, experiencing, learning, and understanding how to look at the world, how to deduce things, how to break things down. My brain is much more equipped at being able to learn things based on this kind of mental experience, or exercising. I can’t just head straight to the race track and expect to win gold. I need to train for those things! That’s how I look at school.

Other than this, life is moving along swimmingly. I’m really enjoying playing house and like the idea of having another body to wake up with in the morning and falling asleep with at night. I like how Nick makes zero noise while in slumber so that sometimes I actually touch his back to make sure he’s breathing.

Okay this is good for now. Nicole, you will happy with the relatively short timeline between this, and my last, post. See? I’m learning.

Bye bye.

I meant to write this on the day … but needed some time to confirm and verify the story that I only knew from conversations throughout my life. So here it is, finally, a little tribute to my Dido (my paternal grandfather in the Czech Republic) for his 100th birthday.

He was born on June 17th, 1909 in Mukachevo, Ukraine. At that time, Mukachevo was part of the Austro-Hungarian empire so technically he was born in the Hungarian part of the empire. He became a coppersmith by trade, specialising in the repair of large boilers for steam trains.

When WWII started in 1939, he escaped to the USSR but was caught at the border and sent to Siberia, spending the next two years in the GULAG  prison camps.

When the Czech Army formed in Russia to fight the Germans, he enlisted in 1941 and fought in many battles including the Battle of Kiev. After WWII ended in 1945, he moved to Prague where he met and married my Babka (grandmother). Shortly after that, the army relocated them to Hodonín, Czech Republic where my dad was born in 1946. Three months later he was relocated to Olomouc, Czech Republic. My titka (aunt) was born not too long after and they have lived in Olomouc as a family ever since. Throughout his years with the army, my grandfather raised through the ranks of the Czech Army becoming a captain and just before being released in 1952, was appointed the rank of Major.

The 1950s were a dark age for the Czech Republic, many who fought against the Germans were let go from the army where others were imprisoned. Many vets suffered great injustices during this time in history. In the 1990s, the government attempted to reconcile these injustices and my grandfather was promoted to Colonel. He was also granted weekly visits from various nurses and or estheticians receiving a wide range of services that included manicures and pedicures for the rest of his life. 

In the midst of all this, he was diagnosed with melanoma on his face in the late 1940s. Since then, he had been undergoing radiation treatment every year or two up until early 2000s when the physicians accidentally left him in radiation for 15 minutes too long resulting in burns to his skin and destroying many of the muscles and nerves to the right side of his face. By this time, however, the cancer was gone and no more treatments were needed.

Despite all this he has lived to see his 100th birthday. This milestone officially made him the oldest person ever on record to live in Olomouc. My dad is there right now and mentioned that four newspapers came to their place to interview and take photos of him. As soon as the photos are up on the Internet, I’ll post them.

At 100 years old, my dido does struggle with his health. He is now nearly completely blind and deaf and is not entirely coherent. Some days he’s up and about, conversing in any one of the six languages he knows, telling stories from his life. Other days he barely recognises my dad as his own son. So it’s hard on everyone. I imagine it’s hard on my dad because he was the only one from the family to emigrate to Canada and I think he finds it hard being so far away with my grandfather’s current state of health. My titka alternatively, has spent her entire life caring for my grandfather and this has taken a toll on her in her own way. As well, much of my babka’s senior life has been devoted to helping my titka take care of him too. 

Despite this incredible history that was often very trying and tumultuous, there is some kind of inner strength that my grandfather obviously possesses. Genetics might have something to do with it, but at the same time I believe a lot of it is will. Taking control of your life and picking the battles you are willing to let overcome you and which you’re going to fight. 

I saw him last in 2004 on his 95th birthday and hope to make it there again within the next two years. If all goes well, we’ll be sitting around the kitchen table, drinking tea, a sip of red wine with breakfast and celebrating his 102nd birthday.

I love games like this on a Friday lunch-hour. While Quack is out purchasing pretty shoes, I’m sitting here in front of the glow of an LCD watching the minutes tick by until I must return to career-mindedness. She didn’t really invite me to play this game, but it’s a time-passer and those are splendid sometimes so here goes:

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
No. But there is a story behind my name and it goes like this folks:

My parents were procrastinators and did not have a name ready for me come my entrance into this world. So for roughly a day I was nameless. Visitors came and went at the hospital, some offered their ideas, but nothing really seemed to fancy either of my units. Then one cool, spring day my Nana was looking into my eyes (or, she could have been examining my hairline because apparently it was quite similar to my grandfather’s on my dad’s side) and said “I think she looks like an Andrea.” Then my Dad tried it out: Andreaaa. Then my mom did the same and they agreed right then and there that I would become an Andrea.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I think I fell asleep crying last night actually.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes. I love it.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Genoa Salami

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Yes, they were born with four legs and go by the names: Marshall and Otis.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes. But I’d kick my ass quite often.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Only with someone I know can handle it. My sarcasm is quite discretionary.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
No. Apparently mine were the size of ping-pong balls and knocked my surgeon out of the water once they emerged into the light of day.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
No. Any kind of adrenaline-inducing activity that would result in an extremely horrifying death is off limits for yours truly.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
I have always loved Wheetabix.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Nevah.

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Mint Chocolate Chip, with French Crisp coming in as a close second.

13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Men: Their forearms
Women: Their chin/neck area

14. RED OR PINK?
Red.

15. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
That I put off getting out of my big, warm bed, and exiting my dark, tranquil room on weekdays so long that I often have to leave my house with my toothbrush in my purse because I don’t have time to brush my teeth.

16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
I miss my grandpa who passed away in 2008. He was my first grandparent to pass away so the shock of that took a while to deal with. His energy, his passion, and how genuinely kind and loving he was is something I miss very much.

17. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
No, not everyone.

18. WHAT COLOUR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Dark, indigo jeans and black shoes I like to call “dolly shoes.”

On another note why is this question so lame? There could have been so many more articles of clothing that would have been much more exciting to answer.

19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
This bizarre humming sound circulating my office that I believe is coming from outside the window. Mind you I’ve also been trying to figure out if the humming is taking place in my head because I’m so tired.

20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Cerulean

21. FAVOURITE SMELLS?
I love the smell of a man. I love the smell of wet pavement minutes after the rain comes. I love the smell of a forrest. I love the smell of the top of a mountain. I love the smell of tangerines.

22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
One of my client’s landlords.

23. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
This is not applicable because I stole the idea.

24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Hockey. Downhill skiing. Soccer.

25. HAIR COLOR?
Dark Brown

26. EYE COLOR?
Sometimes Brown/Green, other times Green/Brown

27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No. But I wish I wore glasses.

28. FAVORITE FOOD?
Oh God.

29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Both. I love the kinds of scary movies that make me feel sick with fear. I also love mushy movies that make me bawl my eyeballs out.

30. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
The Reader

31. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Both. Equally. No question.

32. HUGS OR KISSES?
Both. Especially simultaneously.

33. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Je ne sais pas.

34. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
See above.

35. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Eat Pray Love

36. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I don’t have one.

37. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
The news

38. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Hmmm. Both.

39. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Czech Republic

40. WHERE WERE YOU BORN
Ottawa, Canada!

Since I don’t know who 3/4 of my readers are, I don’t know if you have blogs … Chels I know you do and I’m very happy … but if anyone else does, and you want me to email you 5 interview questions that I want to know about you to put in your own blog/Facebook then by all means … my email address is in here.

From The Quack to me:

1. What is YOUR favourite thing about Vancouver?

- Vancouver has brought chaos, hope, clarity, enlightenment, and growth to my life that I probably wouldn’t have experienced if I were to have stayed back home. This place has surprised and amazed me in more ways than I would have imagined. It’s one thing to come here as a tourist, it’s easy to fall in love with Vancouver, but since living here, I’ve found it’s taking me longer to fall in love with Vancouver at its core. Superficially though, I’m here for the ocean and the mountains … oh, and the skiing.

2. Do you think you would ever move back to Ottawa?  What would it take to convince you?

- No, I don’t think so. I feel I owe it to myself to give Vancouver at least the next half of my life from this point. If I ever leave Vancouver before that, I’d go somewhere else. By that point I guess I would have submitted to the notion that perhaps I am a true rolling stone, in which case, I’ve gathered moss back in Ottawa. Next destination would be onward, never backward. To get me back there would have to be a pretty convincing argument … like Christian Bale being my neighbour.

3. What do you miss most about Ottawa (as a city – not family & friends)?

- I miss how clean Ottawa is. I miss feeling 100% of each season – rainy, warm springs; stifling hot summers; the incredible smell and colour of fall; and the snowy, cold winters. I miss Ottawa’s friendliness and how much emotionally warmer it seems. It’s also the place where I spent the first thirty years of my life … so we have history together, Ottawa and I; it knows a lot of my secrets.

4. If you could have coffee with one historical figure, dead or alive, who would it be?

- This could be a different answer 5 hours from now … I think I’d like to have a coffee with Puccini. But in this case, I figure we’d be having a cappuccino.

5. Just for fun: Who do you love more? Otis or Marshall? You MUST pick one! (Okay, you don’t REALLY have to )

- I love each of them with 100% of my heart. So, 100% for Otis and 100% for Marshall. They are two separate entities. However, if you were to ask me who’s breath I can tolerate more, I’d say Otis. Marshall’s gives me the shivers.

I know, I know. I know what you’re thinking – another stupid, non-commital week day post idea that could never sustain itself. This is OK. There are no rules in life that say good intentions aren’t what Hypercolor T-Shirts were about anyway. Each Wednesday I’ll come up with a new topic. Today, since it’s initiation day, we be as random as possible.

Sometimes I feel like I do all the talking and you do all the reading … and probably some WTF’ing … maybe a little bit of questioning … perhaps some trying to figure out if I have any hobbies outside of disciplining my cats.

Rather than be a lame Linda and use existing cyber-surveys I’m just going to request a bulleted outline about you, you don’t even have to admit it if you’re lying, you don’t even have to use your real name, it could even be about the grocery store clerk if you’re feeling particularly elusive, actually, it doesn’t even have to be useful either. I’ll play too, OK?  It’ll be like we’re all friends learning about each other. Like a learning love-in. Don’t let me down. I do not want to keep checking back to this post disappointed and let down like I was when Arrested Development was cancelled.

About Andrea:
- I’m 31 years old, turning 25 next April
- I was born 21 days late
- I have a passion for fast cars, strange foods, lint rollers, and Adobe Photoshop
- I once sliced through the tip of my middle finger with electric hedge clippers and now I know when it’s going to rain before everyone else does
- My favourite movie genre is war epics, followed by horrifying thrillers
- I once had a Phillips screwdriver stuck in the top of my foot
- I am directionlessly creative with inconsistent ideas and rarely come up with anything I’m entirely happy with
- All 4 of my grandparents are still alive
- I have been “writing a novel” for the last 5 years. I’m on page 7.

Ok, your turn.

I want you to meet a very important woman. This is an erroneous introduction because it doesn’t make sense on any level, but if you could just pretend that you are really meeting Diane Cannuli in real life, this would become that much more meaningful.

Diane Cannuli is my aunt and godmother – and my mother’s sister.

You should be aware of her because she is a well-known artist in Montréal, and especially the Mile End district. She sees beauty in old buildings, people walking down the street, dogs in the park, shudders on a window. My auntie Diane captures everything about life that we take for granted every day. This is why it would be good to have her around. She paints snapshots of things that your eyes will capture in a split second and not even register.

As a student at Concordia University she had dreams of becoming a botanist and obtained her B.Sc. in Botany in 1979. She painted the most beautiful, microscopic enlargements of mold spores (yes, I did just say beautiful, microscopic enlargements of mold spores) I’ve ever seen. In fact, they are still displayed proudly on the walls of my grandparents’ basement.

She has the kind of eccentric humour and personality that anyone would want to be around, and has made friends with every shop owner of the entire Mile End district. Including the butcher marts, fish stores, and bagel shops. She is warm, caring, spiritual, in-touch, and just so incredibly creative. She’s a wonderful person who certainly doesn’t get enough credit – yet. But she’s getting there, and she’ll be simply amazing.