In which I go on.
And on.
Have you seen The Young Victoria? I saw it last week and fell in love with it. The era and the history of the Royal Monarchy is beautifully depicted but, for me, the love story between Victoria and her prince was equally so. *Deep sigh.*
Okay, I love war epics, I love movies that are so horrifying I think I’m going to throw up, I love foreign films, I love movies that upset me and anger me, I love movies that I can watch once a week for the rest of my life (Dirty Dancing) and be happy, and … I love stories of love.
I don’t want to give too much away because it’s still in theatres, but, The Young Victoria is a beautiful and touching love story. What’s really nice is if you read about their actual life together, its portrayal is nailed in the film. Apparently Victoria kept a diary through much of her life and her early writings after meeting and spending time with Albert demonstrated a brimming affection for him. For example:
“[Albert] is extremely handsome; his hair is about the same colour as mine; his eyes are large and blue, and he has a beautiful nose and a very sweet mouth with fine teeth; but the charm of his countenance is his expression, which is most delightful.”
It was her maternal uncle, Prince Leopold I of Belgium, who introduced them; and her other maternal uncle, Ernest (also Albert’s father (yes, Albert was Victoria’s first cousin)) who approved the match.
To her uncle, Prince Leopold, Victoria once wrote in thanks:
“… for the prospect of great happiness you have contributed to give me, in the person of dear Albert … He possesses every quality that could be desired to render me perfectly happy.”
I’m not sure if I’m just screaming lonely, single girl here, which is fine, but this doesn’t have anything to do with loneliness. I will never deny myself the fact that this is what a relationship looks like to me. I don’t know many passionate, soulful women who would think otherwise. Men too for the sake of argument. It has been documented that Victoria and Albert unified for love which was uncommon for royals at that time. Albert had a deep love and respect for his Queen and brought to bear that title in more than just the obvious. He technically was her liege, but her husband as well.
This is that constitutional desire we all have to be understood, accepted, and respected by the Alberts who come into our lives. I walked out of the theatre looking for Albert but he was nowhere to be found.
Which is okay because I’m not sure I ever will find him.
Also okay.
Therein lies the conundrum for someone like me. I can cry over this movie and wonder if one day I too will have a relationship where I am cherished, devoted to, loved, accepted, stimulated, challenged, protected, etc… find it in a thesaurus. I laugh at myself though when I realise that the reason this is so difficult for me is because I know I can be very perplexing to some men who are used to a certain kind of woman.
A man (we’ll call him Albert) could be staring me right in the face. He could tell me all the wonderful things that brought tears to my eyes in the movie. But, so help me God, I can be such a particular, picky moppet that I just may end up single until I leave this earth.
Make sense of that?
I barely can.
See, having an Albert is well and good – but for me to be satiated and contained by this Albert I’d need him to be a challenging, broken, sensitive, kind, distant, open, advisor, learner, loving, comforting, clairvoyant, intellectual, hilarious, video-game loving, bookworm who is patient, smart, soulful, clever, devoted, deep, demanding, spontaneous yet regimented, logical yet illogical… did I mention patient? On top of all this I would require an absurd chemical attraction toward him that offers a fine mix of the following adjectives: cheap, lusty, lascivious, surly, gentle, sweet, considerate, slow and steady. I like to be where I can melt.
On the bright side I am clearly not expecting perfection.
Can you imagine?
Then there’s the whole other issue of the person I am and if the type of person I’m attracted to can actually tolerate someone like me.
If I were in a relationship with me I would not know what to do with myself sometimes. Although I suppose that’s the way in all relationships. Some just have the potential to go completely sideways in a very dramatic way – it’s just whether or not you can pick the same battles. Like Vicky and Albert did.
I resign myself to the fact that this is highly unlikely that I find my perfect match and have considered the advice of some people who tell me I need to trim the list a little bit or become either a lesbian or a nun, but I’m a terrible human being when I’m settling for something or someone. Settling is like giving me 50 years without parole. That would bring me to roughly 83 years old and by that time everything on my body will be at least four inches lower than where they started and then what?
Make no mistake, I re-evaluate my options regularly, look at the pros and cons and have come to understand what missing characteristics I can acquiesce to and which ones are compulsory. It’s like that job interview – there are always requirements, but most of the time a relevant amount of experience is considered an asset but you never want to settle for an employee who’s not the right fit.
It doesn’t sound that awful – just look at the relationship you’re in right now. Are you happy? Can you see yourself gladly purchasing Depends for this person years from now? When life’s up are you going to look back at its entirety and not feel like the biggest mistake you made was to spend a life in a relationship where you were essentially alone anyway? Mistakes should be about things like selling shares at the wrong time, wearing stirrups in the 80s, buying a Geo Metro, or being fired for photocopying your breasts. All recoverable. A lifetime of unhappiness is not and we’re all grown-ups here; we only get a shot at life once.
Back to Victoria and Albert…
When Albert died of typhoid at the age of 42, Victoria entered a state of withdrawal, then perpetual mourning, and wore black every day for the rest of her life. I don’t find this necessarily healthy and I’ll leave that up to the psychologists but if you look at this from a more bittersweet perspective, that’s love. The pain comes from when the person’s gone and not from the ass when you’re together.
For now, I’ll purchase the movie and treat myself to its charm as I see fit. It’ll sit right between Dirty Dancing and The Notebook on my shelf.
I will leave you with one of mine and Gee’s favourite moments from the movie as well as the Sunday Jammin’ song on a Wednesday.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW3B-MK19_w
Tags: Love, relationships, Single, The Young Victoria, Victoria and Albert
I loved this post dahling.
Might be because I know and we are friends because of all the above reasons … on both sides of the fence.
Oh wait, I just realized the post published to my reader has been edited on your site … you tricky minx.
Now I have to read the edited version …
Okay, I stand by my previous comment after having read both versions of this post.
While I have yet to see the movie, say no more. I know precisely what you mean and your sentiment is not lost on me. Your ideals around relationships are something I can relate to and, truth be told, the idea of settling is downright nauseating. It’s easy to see people everywhere who either pursue vapid relationships simply to feel like they belong or enter into relationship for a sense of validation they didn’t know they needed. If I were to ever find my Albert, I’m not sure what kind of man he’d have to be. By no means would I ever, ever cheat, but he’d certainly have to keep me on a long leash of independence.
Your list of must-haves is thorough but settling for less would certainly clip your wings – this much I know of you. I can’t even begin to consider what my list would include at this point, so I probably have no business being in a relationship.
@ Quack: Both sides of the fence? Are you flirting with me?
And ya something came over me at 7:00 this morning so I revised.
@ Keira: I hear you on the independence. I think that’s what happens to women who enter their 30s as a single person. These are years of the kind of self-actualization and self-knowing that can only come from being autonomous. So it can be difficult, in that sense, to not feel like we’re being stifled in a relationship that we may enter into after this process has been initiated. There’s got to be a compromise, without doubt. It would be impossible to diminish who I am as a person without great sacrifice and this is why, to me, the strongest relationships are ones where two people converge at the very middle and begin from there.
Lets be honest here… people suck!
There were times (long gone) when people cared about each other enough to do and say exactly what was on their minds and not give a damn about how it looked. However, in this time of “face” and “keeping up with the Joneses” people have WAY too much to lose by being themselves or doing what’s right.
Personally, I agree with you. From a male point of view, I wish there was truth and honor and all that jazz in these times again. Telling a woman you love her or telling her how amazing she makes you feel, even when she’s not doing anything grander than making you a bowl of soup cuz you’re sick, should be the norm. But, it isn’t.
Sharing your feelings these days makes you seem weak and vulnerable. And guys don’t ever want to seem that way… the cowards.
Hell, listening to some guys, I’m surprised they are even married or have girlfriends.
I blame women… you all accept it one way or another so men will never change.
I’ve said this before: women control everything! Men will be putty in your hands if you want them to be. However, if you let them treat you like shit or allow them to control you. Well, it’s your own damn fault.
I’m a hopeless romantic deep down. I honestly don’t care what people think of me so I always look like the jerk who points out the obvious.
I think all men are capable of being the way you want them to be. You just need to let them know that you wont settle for less so they better keep sharp. After all, people get lazy and eventually get tired of putting in the effort… that’s when things go to shit.
How many people do you know that are in relationships because they’re getting older or they don’t think they can do any better? It’s all crap…
I’d rather be single forever than settle for some piece of arm candy.
Keep up the good fight darlin’
to add to that…
Think of it this way:
When we were in our twenties, we’d date people for years before we knew they were the one. Now that we’re in our thirties… hell, we’re meeting people and moving in with them or getting married after a year.
Gotta make you think.
I’m soooo like Albert
@ Mike… We’ve known each other since we were in grade 2. I think we eventually became each other’s first crush. How precious. Look at us now, all these years later, analysing and reflecting. My how we’ve grown. I lament along side you and get every-single-word you have written. YOU keep up the good fight too, okay?