dear Universe

You’re testing me again. This time it’s for something I could never have prepared myself for. As you watch over Marshall tonight, alone in a cage at the vet hospital, please keep him safe and sound. Please alleviate any discomfort he may have and please, somehow, let him know that I love him with the very core of my being and cannot wait to see him again.

You see, Universe, I’m not ready for this. I am just not ready to let him go yet. I wanted him to grow into an old man, with old man problems. To meet up with you when his body is just too old to carry on in this life anymore. He’s not supposed to be facing this now, he’s only 11, Universe. Kidney failure? No. It’s just not fair.

You know of the connection we have. That’s what makes him most special. It’s how he stares at me before he falls asleep beside me against my pillow. Remember how he does that? How he doesn’t curl into a cat ball on the mattress beside me… but instead, how he rests his head and shoulders against my pillow, just like me, and watches me in the dark. You know what he’ll often do. He’ll reach out with his paw and touch my face gently, just so I know he’s there. Or, if I’m reading in bed or doing my crossword puzzle how he’ll lie his big body on top of my chest and peek his head under the book if he can’t see my face. How he’ll reach out for my fingers and curl his paw around them to bring my hand to his face because he wants his chin tickled. He loves to hold my hand. Oh how I would give anything to have those moments with him tonight. This isn’t right.

You know how he likes it when I dance with him in the living room. Holding him in my arms. How he wriggles his way into the perfect position that makes him as high as he can go and falls asleep with his head on my shoulder while I move us around the room.

Remember how he talks to me? How he looks me right in the eyes and tries so hard to understand what I’m saying back? How he tilts his head from side to side while I’m talking? How he tries to get it.

He’s my Marshall cat. He’s my fantastic Marshall cat and I’m not ready to let him go. Please, I’m begging you, not yet. Okay? Give me a little bit more time. I need to hold him again. How I ache tonight.

For me, I ask that I get some help to make it through these next 48 crucial hours with clarity so if I have to make the decision I’m fearing right now, I can do it with a clear head and the fear gone.

Please keep him in comfort tonight, put that around his body and take away his confusion. Please, do that for me? Do it for Otis too. Nothing feels right, right now. It’s just us two tonight; Marshall should be here too.

Please.

Tags: Cats, Marshall

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